Refrigerator Paintings

I made something yesterday– and it isn’t a finger painting my mother can hang on her fridge or a paper mache flower from arts and crafts time at school.


I made a mistake.


No, that wouldn’t look nearly as good on a family fridge.


So how many times do I have to beat myself with the stupid stick in penance? How many limbs do I have to cut off as payment to all the people I’ve inconvenienced? I’m no math wizard, but if we’re talking one limb for each mistake and I’ve logged twenty years of mistakes… I’m pretty sure this leaves me with no limbs.


Say, you’re not nearly as bad at math as you think.


But I got it; there can be no learning without mistakes. At least, I thought I got it. I can recite the words in my sleep. I can spit them out on command. I can say it forwards and backwards. Okay no, I can’t actually say it backwards. But I thought I understood it. I thought I believed it. And yet here I am, another ugly mistake hanging on the fridge, and I want to beat myself to a bloody pulp rather than graciously accepting the life lesson and moving on. You’d think I’d eventually get the idea and be thankful for the challenges in my life that allow for growth.


I know! I keep thinking you’ll get the hang of it too, but then you keep choosing Door Number 1– you know, the beat yourself to a bloody pulp option. Seems rather messy and arduous to me, but hey, not my decision to make.


Seems rather stupid, doesn’t it?


Yes, yes it does. And your entire struggle is that you keep running from stupid. You’re already there, dear. And if you want to keep learning, you’ll stay stupid. You’ll learn more and you’ll gain more experience, but in the grand scheme of knowing what there is to know about life? You pick, but there are only two options: stupid or deluded. And stupid is the happy choice. So you can keep inventing creative ways to pay for your foolishness and selfishness, or you can learn how to live with joy and share it with those around you.


This seems considerably easier and less painful than it did last night.

You chose not to have this conversation last night. Entertainment companies don’t create video games that are impossible to win. I don’t create life that is doomed to unhappiness either.


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