If you asked me, “What is the least important thing in your life right now? What is the last thing on your lengthy list of priorities,” my positive feedback score on eBay might just be it. In the process of exploring marriage, building a family, and solidifying an inner peace, I’d be hard-pressed to name some less meaningful.
And yet, my eBay account is open on one tab, my Paypal account on another, and the ensuing stress might leave me bald.
This is an old prison of fear, these are old chains of disapproval and I don’t like staying here long.
It was just a technical issue.
My accounts were linked to a defunct email address so the buyers just had to send the payment to a different address. Simple enough, but people really don’t like any hiccups– at all. In roll the complaints, threats, and negative feedback.
“Inexperienced seller,” were the exact words.
Where I’m from, it is bad to be inexperienced. But then I never could figure out how to get to experienced without first being inexperienced.
What a pickle.
The bigger pickle, actually, is how something of such insignificance can appropriate so much of my emotional energy and brain power. Why do I feel responsible for making these strangers like me? Why have I taken up their convenience as my mission in life– at least for the next several weeks?
Because you have forgotten me.
Ah. The voice of my father, my other father, the one in heaven, the one that watches over me even when I forget He is. His voice like liquid drops of sanity down my spine, retrieving me from the chaos that is my mind.
Yeah, screw you, eBay. I have a father that loves me. Beat that.
This is a new home of faith and I like being here.