Isn’t it funny how we try to encompass our gratitude for mothers in a single day?
Motherhood. Gee, whiz. Takes more than a day to appreciate what goes into it– if we ever really can.
This year is a particularly notable Mother’s Day for me because it is my first as a mother myself.
Ergo, it is the first time I can say Amma, I have some inkling of what you went through with me. And by God, am I grateful.
The first time I learned about labor and delivery I was twelve years old and I came home from my middle school health class, stared at my mom with two big puppy dog, incredulous eyes and asked in hesitant disbelief, “Was I worth it…?”
To her credit, my mother did not pause in her alarmed response. “Of course! How could you even ask?”
But, ladies and gentlemen, only the beginning. She didn’t stop after lugging me around for nine months and then thrusting me into the world. No, the foolish, well-meaning woman actually meant to try and raise me.
To her credit, she had no idea what she was getting into.
Thank you, Amma, for trying.
Thank you for filling the generational spot that you did so I could enjoy the luxury of all the information and support I have available to me today. Thank you for even then stretching far from the teachings of your culture and your preconceived notions to do your best with the problem child that just utterly stumped you (that’s me). Could I have done any better in your position? I have no idea. I doubt it.
Thank you for never giving up on me and for stubbornly clinging to a waning hope that you could somehow help me find the happiness I’d always sought and never found. Thank you for actually helping me find it by dragging my unwilling and stubborn ass to the middle-of-nowhere Georgia.
Thank you for continuing to support and defend my writing even as I describe your mistakes in unflattering detail. (Hey, I write about mine, too. People can learn something from our stupidity!)
Thank you for your faith in me today and for your willingness to view your life with such rigorous honesty.
I realize that I’m not completely grateful for all these things 365 days a year– how could anyone be?– but maybe I can manage it on at least one of those days.
So today, thanks Amma. And thanks for the other 364 days too.