The process of eliminating my negativity has been a thoroughly enjoyable yet awkward one. Every time we get rid of a set of emotional tools, however shoddy, we need something to replace them with. In the meantime… well, we do our best.
So the other night Oliver mentioned he didn’t want to go to the fair on Saturday.
But. But. We had planned on the fair. I wanted the fair.
No negativity, I reminded myself and kept my mouth shut. No complaining, no whining, and no controlling. I said nothing out loud.
I simply stared.
“You’re welcome to go if you like,” Oliver offered. “I can watch Zoe while you do.”
I stared. But he had promised.
Was that even true? Wasn’t sure, but he had agreed which was the same as a blood seal in my book.
“You look upset sweetie.”
“Um I’m just being stupid and selfish instead of listening to you.”
“Okay,” Oliver replied, evidently satisfied.
Really, what were my options? Was I going to force a grown man– my husband, no less– to go to a damn street fair with me? No. No, I was not.
… so what was I going to do?
Still I stared. Oliver watched me patiently as the gears churned. What do I say? What do I say?? How would a healthy person continue this conversation? Oh gosh. I don’t even know how to speak without whining.
Ten minutes later the best I could come up with was: “So… uh… how was work today, sweetie?”
An awkward but significant triumph for the Simon household. Fair or no fair, the night must go on– in both senses of the word.