It’s been a long year and it’s only been half of one so far. By “long” I mean it has been one invaluable life lesson nipping at the heels of another incessantly, relentlessly and without respite.
Yeah, yeah, I’m grateful and I’m learning and all that. Yeah, I know I prayed for patience and fortitude and the ability to become a dependable wife and the ability to offer unrelenting love to my family.
But really, how much life experience can one person comfortably digest all at once? I get to the point where I want to rip my hair out and scream, “Alright!! Enough character-building already! I got it! I’m good!”
Over the past five months I think I’ve developed enough character to for me to cast an entire feature-length film with just myself.
I know, I know, all good things. But really, isn’t there some easier way we can do this, God? Isn’t there some more agreeable arrangement we can work out? How about ingesting wisdom through a pill or hey, a how about a green smoothie? Those are real hot these days, you know. I think you could make it big offering some kind of Wisdom powder that you add to your breakfast smoothies along with your chia seeds and spirulina. I’m just saying I think you might consider diversifying, you know?
I keep waiting for the part where I can kick my feet up drink margaritas by the poolside, by the beach side. Hey, why have saltwater or freshwater when you can have both?
I’m beginning to develop the sneaking suspicion that “rest” isn’t in the itinerary.
It’s a different life than what I had expected, one where I can be happy in the midst of turmoil and ever-changing circumstances. I keep thinking of every new challenge I’m presented with as a chore, an ordeal, without quite admitting to myself that hey, it’s not so bad anymore.
What? Did I just say that? I hope God wasn’t listening.
But really. Maybe the race itself won’t ever get shorter or easier, but my endurance is developing to the point where MY race really is more manageable. The external circumstances of my life haven’t settled in any convenient way and yet, I find myself more able to meet them head-on.
Whoa. What do you know. Apparently even I can learn to roll with the punches. And that means there’s hope for every poor sop on the planet.
All I have to do is continue taking the next step in faith. Every time I want to hide under the snuggly covers and hibernate until life somehow magically becomes easier (that happens with children, right??) I simply have to remember my world is no longer the miserable pit of despair it once was. I really can learn these things and grow in these ways. It doesn’t have to be unpleasant, or sometimes, it doesn’t even have to be difficult.
All I have to do is take the next step. And keep taking the next step. And I never have to do anything more than just the next step.