Busy Bee

“Keep in touch!”

What a vague, noncommittal thing to say. It was actually the enthusiasm and sincerity that made it vague; without those, “keep in touch” is a very clear way of saying “bugger off.”

I used to believe that people who are really busy were somehow coerced into an inescapable lifestyle. Consequently when they expressed an interest in spending time with me, I believed them– even after many unsuccessful attempts to make it happen.

We always have choices. No one can really force us to do anything. And regardless of the words that we speak, our actions always betray our true priorities.

Sure some people are busier than others, but it’s an active choice of lifestyle. We make time for the things that really matter to us. So when now when busy people tell me they’d like to get to know me better, I hear what they’re really saying, “I’d love to get to know you if it were sufficiently convenient.” 

You know, it never ends up being convenient enough. I’ve learned to let it go.

So when I say I’d like to learn how to be a loving wife, and yet I continue to insist that my husband grow at my speed, in the way I like, and how I like, I’m guilty of the same confused priorities. And I say confused because I’ve learned this: the busy people that “want” to do a thing but never get around to it are invariably unhappy. They may have choices, but they never see them or believe that they exist. 

When I continue to act selfishly with my husband I’m really saying, “I’d love to become a loving wife– as long as it’s sufficiently easy, fast, exciting, oh and makes me look good.” In other words, I couldn’t actually give a damn about doing the right thing. But it’s not a happy way to live, the next cheap thrill dangling in front of our noses like a carrot on a stick. 

I’m about ready to put my money where my mouth is. Who’s in?

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4 thoughts on “Busy Bee

  1. I am in!!! I recently “turned a corner” and started to recently act instead of “intend” to act all the time. I shifted my priorities because for a couple of years now, I have been pissed off at all my good intentions… Because they are absolutely worthless when I never carry them out.

    Anyway, about a month and a half ago, something happened and I finally got the courage and faith to start acting in my intentions, and it has been amazing. Then blessings that have come from it have been priceless and I hope I can continue with it, because it has been extremely rewarding! Great thoughts Veena, they totally make sense and resonate with me.

    1. Woo! I love company. Yeah it’s a tough thing to, in the immortal words of Katy Perry, “Shut up and put your money where your mouth is.” We can spend so much time beating ourselves up that we forget to actually act. I’d love to hear more about what you’re learning.

  2. How do we measure “being more loving”? Is it by looking at our own level of happiness? Our partner’s? Growth over time is a better way to judge I think. I try to improve while being ok w where I am. It’s a dance.

    1. That’s a good point. I think it’s more obvious at the extremes; I know I’ve had some clearly unloving times recently. I was referring more to getting back on the track of becoming loving, not learning a specific lesson in a specific time frame. For me I know that anytime I feel any tension or resistance at all, I’m way off track. Once I get back on track, it’s absolutely a long haul with just one baby step at a time.

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